change

i miss walking by the baywalk... hh with my honey. arg! it's such a bummer to be feeling this way. how do you know when to sacrifice or when to just get up and leave? is this all worth it? is all the money worth it? hay, am just so used to having an easy life that when faced with things like this, i get so affected already. and i'm like this. i don't have to make excuses on my behavior. am i ready to make a compromise? arg! i don't have any choice actually. i want to make money! and it's really upto me to look at this as a sacrifice! hay... so many theories, so many sides to just this one dilemma. it's a matter of choosing the right theory and sticking with it. or just hacking it up for at most (?) 2 months. :) are you satisfied? i still have this nagging feeling. is it valid to say that i'm missing a lot on life back home. build a life here, then! i'm scolding myself. i'm a freako! Lord God, i know you're making small highs here with the pinoys and the tv and the dvd. i feel that you really want me here. i'm just going to rely on your strength to get me through. hay... saved by you again. thank you.

it's so weird. i broke down and cried to my honey. it's been 4 days since i've been here in Malongo Camp. the food is always the same. my workstation is not ergonomic. i only have one person to talk to. and the accommodation is so basic... in short, this is not what i'm used to back home. all in all, i thought i was doing good since i'm focused on my work and i try not to really think about the depressing state we are in. i guess i was just covering it all up. that's why i broke down. i was even thinking this morning that if they were to ask us to stay some more, i'd bring something to keep me busy, set up some sports activities like a sports fest. so i guess it's not the place but i just miss my honey so much. but that shouldn't stop me from living this all up. :) i'm back.

in a few days' time, i'll be assigned to Angola for a 1-year project. another experience of getting adjusted to the new environment and having to get to know new set of people. surprisingly, i'm not really thinking hard about it. i guess i'm used to this type of change. i've tried to take a peek at what's in store for me by browsing through the shared drive for pix and i came upon party pictures. the people are fairly mature (complete with bulging tummies...) and looks like they were really having a great time. it's interesting to know that i'm gonna be learning about the culture of Africa. I find Africa fascinating because their country is so rich of natural resources but they are the poorest. My brother in law was telling me it's because of the powerful countries who have taken advantage of them. now that i think about it, my company is one of those organizations who have taken their "unfair" share of the resources of the country. It's so weird. i've been reading about how CT is expanding in that location and how profitable we are becoming because of that. i'm part of that workforce. haay...