Saturday, April 23, 2005
pensive...
why is it that the only time i get pensive and create another journal, it's always because i'm feeling down? is that the only time i get to reflect on my life? oh well... i'm blabbering again. i'm just got in the office so early - 5am. it's our company outing and i didn't have any ride going here except for my sister who left the house at 430am. i'm so sleepy. i wanted to sleep for a while at the nurse station but i just can't get my butt out of this chair.
anyway, what i really want to write about is this thing i'm going thru. we fought again and i started it. well, what he did was really wrong and he admitted that he's wrong. i said some things that was just meant to hurt him and it did. the thing is we were both very hurt with what happened. question is, are we gonna take the risk with this relationship and have faith with the other person that he/she will not do that again? is the relationship worth the risk? i think that's the major question. in my mind, it is. i just feel so much for him that i can't see myself falling in love all over again with a complete stranger. or is this because he's my first? i doubt it. i have very little patience in people and with him, he's just so right. i can't explain it but we jive, i connect with him. we've had lots of fight just this year (considering that it's only the 1st quarter!), but mostly it's just because we sometimes do things so innocently but unknowingly has a great effect (negative actually) on the other person. i'd like to think that this is so very minor since we don't really hurt each other intentionally and we have this unconscious understanding of supporting each other.
i appreciate that his liveliness which brightens up US which compliments my subdued manner.
i appreciate his sensitivity with family which gives me an insight on how a family should be.
i appreciate his take-charge attitude but at the same time gives way when he doesn't really know.
i appreciate his discipline and strong principles because i learn a lot.
i appreciate his intensity, it rubs on my easygoing manner.
this list can go on and on...
and i have to stop since we're leaving in a few minutes. but i hope he can see that.
why is it that the only time i get pensive and create another journal, it's always because i'm feeling down? is that the only time i get to reflect on my life? oh well... i'm blabbering again. i'm just got in the office so early - 5am. it's our company outing and i didn't have any ride going here except for my sister who left the house at 430am. i'm so sleepy. i wanted to sleep for a while at the nurse station but i just can't get my butt out of this chair.
anyway, what i really want to write about is this thing i'm going thru. we fought again and i started it. well, what he did was really wrong and he admitted that he's wrong. i said some things that was just meant to hurt him and it did. the thing is we were both very hurt with what happened. question is, are we gonna take the risk with this relationship and have faith with the other person that he/she will not do that again? is the relationship worth the risk? i think that's the major question. in my mind, it is. i just feel so much for him that i can't see myself falling in love all over again with a complete stranger. or is this because he's my first? i doubt it. i have very little patience in people and with him, he's just so right. i can't explain it but we jive, i connect with him. we've had lots of fight just this year (considering that it's only the 1st quarter!), but mostly it's just because we sometimes do things so innocently but unknowingly has a great effect (negative actually) on the other person. i'd like to think that this is so very minor since we don't really hurt each other intentionally and we have this unconscious understanding of supporting each other.
i appreciate that his liveliness which brightens up US which compliments my subdued manner.
i appreciate his sensitivity with family which gives me an insight on how a family should be.
i appreciate his take-charge attitude but at the same time gives way when he doesn't really know.
i appreciate his discipline and strong principles because i learn a lot.
i appreciate his intensity, it rubs on my easygoing manner.
this list can go on and on...
and i have to stop since we're leaving in a few minutes. but i hope he can see that.
