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“Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together."

I finally found out the truth…. More on confirmed it.

I don't know if it hurts now, I don't even know if I felt like I was disrespected. It feels good to actually see that he still gets hot for me.

Bakit ganun?

Is that all we are? Just 2 people who enjoy having ***?

It’s partly my fault. I let all this happen for too long. i enjoyed it too much and I didn’t think about its consequences.

And with that, I gave you an image of me… ONLY in that context.

I’ve always wanted a relationship where 2 people share the most intimate thoughts and ideas, and most especially feelings. I’ve always dreamed of just being so at one with that one special person. Sharing everything. And that everything only included a small portion of physical intimacy. Only a small portion. Physical intimacy should only spice up the relationship, not direct it because it doesn’t last. I never imagined how greatly that intimacy would affect me and make me lose all focus on the relationship I’ve always wanted.

And I guess that’s what happened between the 2 of us. We rode the wave of sexual desire too much that we got too consumed by it.

I don't know if I can do anything about my image in your mind but I'd rather have you think of me as something deeper than that...

How do you deal with an x. Now, when we see each other, we act as if nothing really happened. Is that even healthy? Is that the norm?

If you ask me, I’d rather not see him or talk to him anymore because there’s nothing else to talk about. You ask… what about those same interests that you both have, the same thoughts and ideas? Doesn’t that count for a conversation? Is it because you’re just not interested anymore to know? Or is it because you are still smarting from the hurt that you felt?

Well, at least this is good because I’m in another level of coping with a broken heart. The level – defining-the-next-level-of-relationship-with-ex. I should do a research. 

I still can’t help but hope that there’s something there. Whatever spark we had, whatever connection we had before would hopefully emerge and we could start again. It was a good relationship but because of a lot of expectations and restrictions, that spark didn’t bloom into a serious and deep relationship.

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wanted to mark this date as the start of a new life. for 6 months, i felt stuck. waiting for someone to realize that we're meant to be. but it didn't happen and i can't wait anymore. now, i'm gonna be all over the place. nothing wild and kinky. just a discovery of life. wish someone could be with me while i do this. :)
i'm gonna be doing some community service, just spending time with streetchildren this saturday. just something to at least wake my "sleeping" spirit and make some children happy even for a while - create a good memory in them, enough to at least give them a little bit of hope.